The last two weeks have been horrible. My anxiety has been so awful that I can’t sleep and its filled daytime with nausea and other physical symptoms. The idea of leaving the house seems like a monumental task that makes me break out in sweat and makes my pulse race. Anxiety attacks are not fun. Usually by September/ October I am deep into a depressive swing. This year I made it to November. I thought I had avoided the usual swing, the anxiety and depression. Sadly, no. It was just delayed. That’s it. So, I made the call into doctor and have begun the meds adjustment. Now I wait and try and work through it the best I can. The hardest part about the delay in was the fact that I absolutely had myself fooled that it wasn’t going to happen this year. I was fine. Doing great. Still meeting my 20 pictures a day goal. Even baked some fresh bread. Until…I wasn’t. One day turned into two then more. One night of rough sleep turned into 5 nights. Then in a matter of days I went from what I thought was just a bump in the road to a full on slide off it. I’m disappointed and feel like a complete failure. This is of course should be another clue that I am losing stability, but my brain can’t be rational right now. So, while I wait for the meds to level and sleep to come, I pull out my list of coping skills and try and get through the day.
- Funny movie
- Music or book on tape
- Go for a walk
- Bake some bread
- Funny animal You Tube videos or camera videos
- Take some pictures
The addition of my camera is the reason I think this swing was delayed. I have been very engaged in photography lessons and learning how to use my camera the last few months. The act of taking pictures, editing, and blogging them keeps my brain busy. It has forced me to look at the world around me and get out of my head. Sometimes my head is the worst place to be. Like now. My brain is attacking me, and I need to focus my energy outside of it. I think photography and learning something new has been a major help this year. It has forced me to get out of the house, or at least go outside. It has also given me an outlet to connect with and learn from other photographers. I have learned so much! I have also noticed that I look at everything around me as “could that be a good picture?” instead of blindly going through the day and paying attention to only my inner thoughts. I’m very grateful for this new outlet. And it is less calories then baking all the time. LOL